"If my story helps one person, it will be worth it": Emil Ruusuvuori shares struggles with mental health

Finland’s Emil Ruusuvuori has opened up about having difficulty in dealing with mental health. Athletes playing different sports have often spoken about how difficult it is to deal with situations where nothing seems in control.

Ruusuvuori has become the latest addition to a long list of high-profile athletes who have spoken in detail about the importance of mental health. The 26-year-old, in a detailed article written on ATP’s official website, shared his side of the story. He stated that he did not touch a racquet for nearly five months last year. He stated that when things started to fall apart, he started forgetting things and was unable to focus.

“For four and a half months last year, I did not touch a racquet. It was not for a reason you might expect, though,” he wrote. “It was because of my mental health. When it was bad, I started to forget things. My body was in one place, but my mind was somewhere else. It would go from something as simple as nearly forgetting my racquets to suffering panic attacks. I knew it was going too far at Roland Garros, because what was happening in my head at tournaments began affecting my life outside the court. I could not sleep well to the point that I started having nightmares. I would wake up sweating with my heart pounding, and I couldn’t breathe. It made me think I was going crazy.”

Ruusuvuori stated that while he has been dealing with mental health issues since the age of 10 but when it happened this time, it was more difficult to cope. The Helsinki-born stated that at the beginning, he decided to take a break to settle things but it did not help as he ended up having a panic attack on court.

“The first time I spoke to a professional about my mental health was about 10 years ago, but my struggles became an issue more recently,” he said. “Three years ago in Miami was the first time that I experienced a real panic attack. One morning in Florida I woke up and felt like somebody was strangling me. It was impossible to breathe. It was like somebody was stepping on my chest. We got in the car to head to the site and I couldn’t speak. My mind was going crazy with a million thoughts swirling around. By the time we arrived, I was shaking. At that point, I was barely able to hold back tears long enough to tell my coach that I was not okay. I felt so terrible and did not know what was going on. Somehow I was able to calm down a bit, went on court to face Maxime Cressy and won the match. Afterwards, I talked about it a little bit with my team, but not that much. I continued moving along. Part of the problem is that I learned the way to have success on the tennis court, and then I just followed that as long as it lasted. I was just keeping my mouth shut. Something was wrong, but I just continued doing what I had done for so many years. It was what allowed me to play tennis across the world, so it made sense, right?

He continued by saying: “I tried to take one or two weeks off to see if that would help before heading to Surbiton for an ATP Challenger Tour event on grass. Instead, I actually had a panic attack on court. I would tell you what it felt like, but I don't really remember the match. During Wimbledon, I needed to pull off the road, stop and get out of the car because it sometimes felt like I could pass out. I had no control. Somehow I made the third round of the tournament, but for half of my match against Giovanni Mpetshi Perricard, I mentally blacked out. I just remember wanting to run off the court. It was an absurd place to be — I was playing at one of the events I dreamt of competing in as a kid and all I wanted was to be somewhere else or somebody else. Soon enough, I knew something had to change. Enough was enough.”

The current world number 254 stated that at one stage, he had to lie about the reason he was withdrawing from the competition because it was his mind which did not let me him stay focus. Ruusuvuori also shared the fact that while dealing with mental health issues this time, he realised that even playing tennis, winning matches was no fun.

“Being a professional athlete, you try to survive any issues, forget them and just leave them behind in the hopes they go away,” he continued. “I was somehow able to do it, and that is the cruel part of sports. For the past 10 years, life was so consistent. There was always the next match, the next tournament. Everything was always moving and suddenly I did not have that anymore. That was a shock, because suddenly it was so boring and there was nothing to do. I didn’t really feel joy in anything anymore. I wasn’t competing on court, and now I was fighting to get out of bed and honestly even had thoughts about whether I wanted to live, which was very scary. Even worse was how this affected those closest to me and how worried it made them I traveled to Montreal but withdrew citing the stomach flu, but it was really because of my mind. I decided that was enough. I did not touch a racquet for four and a half months after that and some of those days were the toughest.”

Ruusuvuori then explained that he got in touch with his psychologist in the summer which helped him immensely in getting back to normal life. The 26-year-old also shared the reason behind coming out with his side of story and stated that ever since he has opened up about his struggles, he feels ‘weight dropped off his shoulders’. Ruusuvuori also stated that if his side of the story helps even one person, he will feel that he has managed to make a difference in this fight against mental illness.

“During the summer I began speaking to my psychologist once a week and told my very close family and friends what I was dealing with, which helped,” he said. “One of my closest friends went through something similar, which made me realise that I was not alone in this. That gave me perspective. That is a big reason why I decided to tell my story earlier this month on video in Finnish. When the video was released, it was like a weight dropped off my shoulders, because I felt like I was always pretending in front of people. It was so difficult. I could not do it anymore. I didn’t feel like I could be honest and that was weighing on me. I received a lot of very positive messages. Many different people with different jobs commented and you could see that it doesn't matter what you do. Everybody has their own struggles they need to overcome. Some people said it was brave of me that I did it and it helped them, and that meant a lot to me. If my story helps even one person, then it will be worth it. My main hope is for people to know that you should take care of your mind and look after yourselves. That is the key. If you're not okay, there is no more important thing than helping yourself. Don't keep everything inside of you. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to have a bad day. But always remember one thing: tough times don’t last forever.”